antigenius.net/blog

Stuck

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 09:54:17 -0800

You ever have words inside you and have absolutely no idea how to get them out? It's like being stuck in mud and knowing exactly the tools you need to get yourself out (hell, they might even be right there next to you), but every time you try and use them everything gets all mixed up and you end up no better off than you were before.

I feel stuck a lot lately. As an individual, as an American, and as a human being, I feel like we're all stuck. Individually, I keep doing the same stupid shit over and over again, only to say, "As soon as X happens, I can do Y." Except X never happens, either because I'm too lazy to do it or too scared. As part of the national community, my perception (and it is very important that I emphasize that it is my perception and, as such, I havent' done any real, hard research to back this up) that our current credit crisis is the result of a great many people following the desire presented to them from various media outlets and a few others exploiting that lust and stupidity. I, myself, exist in that group of great many people that owns things we don't need, stuck chasing some dream. Lastly, as a human being, haven't we all fought about enough of the same stupid shit for centuries already? Certainly ideologies and viewpoints will always clash, but some of these battles today have been echoed for over a thousand years and, yet, we're still stuck in the same place now as we were then.

I feel negative, spiteful, or tired (sometimes combinations thereof) on a pretty much daily basis. I feel stuck and nothing I've done so far as gotten me unstuck. Maybe that's the way it's always been since I can't really remember a time when it hasn't been like this (barring childhood, but that's a whole different type of perception). Maybe this is how we've plodded through the millennia.

I wish I had some profound answer for this, but I don't. I wish I had the words, or even the patience to have written this more eloquently, but I don't. I'm stuck watching myself and people around me in varying degrees and types of proximity repeat the same patterns.

Fantastic Rant

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 17:25:15 -0800

Watch this rant about television. It starts at minute 4:06 and continues till the end (the first bit's about EastEnders and ties in nicely with the rant, but likely won't mean anything to you since none of us Stateside know what EastEnders is). Requiem for a Dream soundtrack in the background is hilariously appropriate.

I've got a larger opinion on this brewing, but, frankly, I don't have the energy to write it up. So, in the meantime, I'll say this: I'm pretty sure everything he rants about is why we're currently in the middle of this fucked up credit crisis. Happened 80 years ago and it'll happen again.

I Awoke to Rain in May

Sat, 24 May 2008 11:38:08 -0800

To be fair, I awoke not to the sound of the rain so much as to the sound of the roof's drainpipe (which is bolted to one of my exterior walls) belching whatever mixture of rocks, bird poop, and water that had collected at the beginning of its rather short journey. For most that visit my very humble home, it's not so much a soothing noise as hearing the rain pelt leaves and cement as it is the noise your toilet makes before regurgitating itself all over your bathroom floor in an retaliatory act of defiance. But for me, it's at least as calming and relaxing as forest rain.

You see, I live in Northern California (colloquially known as NorCal, a term, I'm told, that originated in NorCal's own San Quentin) where water's pretty important. Our water problem is largely due to greedy developers, short-sighted city planning, and, more than anything, the Los Angeles Cancer Basin (the area from roughly Burbank to just south of Irvine). It's a desert down there and about 100 years ago a bunch of rich guys thought, "Shit, the land is cheap here. I could probably buy a lot, plant some orange trees, and then steal water form someone else and make a fortune!" And that's what they did. Just ask the farmers of the Owens River Valley. Then, when a booming metropolis sprang up around them, they needed more and more water. Eventually, the went a couple hundred miles away and drained an entire lake that used to be not only a vacation spot for locals, but also a watering hole for the now-gone from our state Grizzly bear. And when all that water was gone, they built the San Joaquin "River," a network of artificial canals meant to take water from the San Francisco Bay Area and drive it south, to the desert (for more info, read this).

So when it rains up here, it makes me smile. It might be that I'm Irish and, therefore, genetically predisposed to rainy weather, but it's been pretty dry up here in Northern California for a few years. It'll be good to have green hills, if only for a couple days.

Greatest Basketball Play Ever

Mon, 05 May 2008 11:04:05 -0800

I'm not really a fan of basketball. It has all the speed of soccer, the ferocity of hockey, and the strategy of checkers. Seriously, the game is all about who can score faster than the other team (perhaps an understatement, but I really just don't care much for the game).

That said, this is, by far, the most amazing play I've ever seen from a basketball game. Pay special attention to the offender's reaction after the play. It's what you might call "lack of sportsman-like conduct" or "lack of concern."

That said, I think I'll start blogging more. Once I can figure what the hell to talk about.

By Definition

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 13:38:57 -0800

gen·ius / an·ti·gen·ius [jeen-yuh s / an-tahy-jeen-yuh s]

-noun

1. unstoppable
2. highly talented dj duo

On the Subversive Power of Laughter, Hard Work, Emotional Malaise, or Nothing at All

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 00:31:22 -0800

I haven't written in a long time.

So long, in fact, that I'm having a hard time writing now. It's not like before, when I was afraid I had nothing to say. As the title might suggest, there are plenty of things to talk about. I could talk about the subversive power of laughter. I could talk about how some people think I work too hard, or how I think some people don't work hard enough. I could talk about my pending transfer at work to a new department, but it's not final yet. I could go on and on about the emotional malaise I've felt over the last year or so.

Or, I could write about nothing at all. Kinda like what I'm already doing.

The fact of the matter is this: I'm tired. Very, very tired. That's really the only thing I've felt over the last year. Sure, there have been other things, but when I think back on the year 2007 I'll likely remember it as the year I busted my ass. I like to think that, in that retrospective moment, I'll be able to say, "If it hadn't been for that year of hard work I wouldn't be where I am now."

So, there's that. I have a ton of projects I'd like to work on, but none of the energy. Like the video projects from my previous post. It's hard to write something that's intentionally bad and funny.

And that's all I can muster for now. Hope to have more soon. Ideally some good news, or the winning Lotto numbers...you know, after I've won.

If I win, I'll buy you each a beer.

My New Toy

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 11:00:29 -0800

So, around 9 months ago I ran into the now-infamous Jan Terri music video "Losing You." If you haven't seen the video, you only need to watch the first minute or so to get a feel for what I'm talking about. The visual style of the video, for whatever reason, really appeals to me. Something about the washed out color, the edges of objects bleeding over one another, and that persistent screen artifact at the bottom right.

Maybe it's something from my childhood, having grown up with a VCR in the house. Maybe it's the same thing that motivated Michel Gondry to direct Be Kind Rewind. Whatever the case may be, I'm enamored with the look and have been inspired to make movies and shorts using that style.

To that end, I have purchased a Panasonic AG-155 VHS Camcorder. State of the art for 1986 (the manufacturer's sticker on the bottom says it was made in November of 1986, which would have made me 4 years old at the time). Behold the glory:

Expect crappy short films from me soon.

C'mon Ya' Terrible Bastards

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 12:59:18 -0800

This year is a year to remember. A year dedicated to something worth fighting for:

Make St. Patrick's Day a national holiday.

Do it, bitches.

Antigenius Presents

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 11:24:27 -0800

For your iTunes or for your burned CD, here is the new cover art for the first Antigenius mix. Many, many thanks to Josh Talbot for doing this (of his own accord no less!).

Nothing to Say

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 13:52:26 -0800

I constantly feel like I have nothing to say, but, because I have this blog, that I should say something. But doesn't that raise the question of whether or not you, dear reader, and I agree on what we consider is something worth saying? Suppose you would consider what I have to say as substantial and of value, but I do not. Do I still have nothing to say? And, if I do have something to say, is it valid? Because shouldn't I be writing here for me and not for you?

This can get all very confusing from time to time.

Antigenius Presents

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 11:45:55 -0800

For those of you that don't know, I've taken up the art of DJing. This past New Year's Eve I played my third live performance at a house party. It was rad. I had an amazing time and everyone seemed to enjoy the set. Sadly, though, I had no way of recording the mix. Until now.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present, for your entertainment, House Game Vol. 1: NYE 2007/8. The first CD mixed, recorded, and completely unmastered by the Antigenius. Below you will find a link to download a .zip file of the songs in MP3 format, complete with ID3 tags (read: tracks have information, nicely displayed in the MP3 player of your choice). Also, for funsies, I include the set list below. This is only the first half of the evening, just the Progressive House set. I will be recording the Trance set as soon as I get the chance.

A couple things to note:

I've been spinning for about 6 months, and while I think I'm progressing well, I still have some growing to do. To the end, some of the transitions are a bit off.
I've never actually recorded anything before. So, the volume on this album is a bit low, whereas the bass is really high. Adjust your MP3/CD player accordingly. And half-way through track 4 the volume cuts out for a a half-second. Sorry.

House Game, Vol. 1: NYE 2007/8

"Hands Away (Dirtyhertz Mix)," Interpol
"Always Something Better (Trentemoller Remix)," Trentemoller
"Just Let Go (Brooklyn Fire Retouch)," Fischerspooner
"Breakfast (Criss Source Remix)," Balazko
"Not Exactly," Deadmau5
"Slow (Everybody Loves My 303 Remix)," Mr. Caine & Mr. Case feat. Kylie
"True to Life (My Digital Enemy Mix)," Cult 45
"Touched By God 2005 (Miss 20 Mix)," Katcha
"Echo," Luke Dzierzrek
"Dirty Monday," Phatjak
"Outer Limits," Mohawk

Download (136M)

Comments and constructive criticism welcome. In my opinion, the second half of the CD (tracks 6-11) is the best. Thanks and enjoy!

Back into the Fray

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 12:52:06 -0800

It has been literally months since I wrote last. Even longer since I had anything of substance to say. I don't yet know whether or not this entry will be particularly enlightening or even worth reading at all (as most, if not all, of my entries tend to be stream of consciousness). For what it's worth, though, I've got to put something down.

It's been well over a year since I felt "normal." Starting around October last year, the company I work for decided it would be a good idea to move away from our mid-1980s financial software and into the world of Oracle (the company, not the database engine. There is a distinction). Little did I know at the time what that would entail for me.

I've worked at this company for going on 4 years now. I've watched the personnelle turnover range from 3 months to 2 years. At the end of it all, that is to say where we are now which is not an end, per se, I've become the most senior person within my group by about 3 to 3.5 years. The one exception is one of my bosses who has been here far longer than I have, but who has not worked so closely with the valuable sales and financial data as I have. What did, and does, this mean? In regards to migrating away from archaic software to new, module software, it meant, and means, I'm the only person with the expertise to get people the information they need.

From about January last year until today (and undoubtedly beyond), I have been buried beneath nothing short of a mountain of work. While I was sitting in meetings listening to people bicker and argue, my work piled up, higher and higher, as did the stress. And now, as I sit here, about a year after it all started I'm trying to think back, in earnest, to when the last time I actually felt something. Not tactile, but, rather, felt anything emotionally.

I've been going through the motions for so long that now I doubt if I've ever felt anything. I know how I'm supposed to respond to events that would normally illicit some emotive reaction. I am particularly good at telling people what they want or expect to hear. From the outside, I'm sure I look normal. But inside, I've forgotten some key things about the human experience. In short, I feel something like a robot. I know how I should feel. I even react appropriately. At the end of the day, however, the only thing I really feel is complete and utter exhaustion.

Within the last few weeks I've taken considerable time to reflect on the root of the problem, or, rather, what I perceive to be the problem. I say perceive because it occurs to me that since I question my ability to feel, I must also call into question my ability to reason (which really makes this entire entry moot, but I soldier on...). I believe it's my job. While I love what I do and I have strong ties to the company, it is slowly killing me. I have given 50-, 60-, 70-, and 80-hour weeks to his organization for almost a year. I've ignored my personal life, becoming ever more acerbic to my friends (who, by the grace of their own outstanding character, remain by my side). Until recently, I had almost no social life (romantic or otherwise) to speak of. I've let myself do all these things because I believe that, at the end, we, as a company, would be in a better place for it.

Now, after four years, I am finally accepting what I've known for the better part of my tenure here: it is a sinking ship, steered ignorantly into a future where it has no place by people more concerned with petty displays of power than the motto they so tenuously claim to espouse.

In an effort to seek out the cause of my emotional malaise, I've changed a lot of things over the past year. All of them for the better, and while I gained moments of respite, they were fleeting. So I'm faced with the only thing left that I can change: I need to abandon ship (my mastery of metaphors and prose knows no bounds).

So, welcome back to the fray. It's pretty hairy, but it's like I always say (+5 cliche points): better to be uncomfortable and dynamic than static and comfortable.

DJ Madness!

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 06:40:20 -0800

No, that's not a DJ's name. Check out the two fliers below. David Guetta is only $20 and Mark Farina is free if you bring a new, unwrapped toy for Toys for Tots or non-perishable food for the Glide Food Bank. Anyone interested?

Oh, Jesus Christ!

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 00:00:00 -0800

I swear to God, this movie sounds so fucking emo I might actually off myself. Which, of course, would be ironic as I would likely end up in the film. Join me in not seeing Wristcutters: A Love Story as a statement, because it sounds totally awful. Like Dashboard Confessional's latest album, whatever the crap that is. P.S. Happy Halloween!

I Like Hats

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 07:22:17 -0800

Ridiculous? Sure, but it's part of a larger costume. I am debating wearing it to a high-level meeting later this morning.